The Most Important Lesson
Wouldn't it be good when you were at young and in school that after maths and before english there was a class showing you how to handle your emotions especially in those tough times. The teacher would encourage you to recognise your inner strengths and nurture them so they grow a bit more each day as you explore yourself and life.
I wonder if the syllabus would be something like this:
The limbic system exploration of why this emotional and survival centre makes life very hard when it's over active.
The irrational and exhausted mind - how to build your energy and clarity back to full strength.
Why suppressing emotions just makes things worse.
Paradox of control, being more in control by letting go of trying to control.
Embodiment classes to work with and explore the body, mind connection.
Master techniques to accept all emotional states no matter how uncomfortable they may feel.
Promise to be honest - explore through a written essay on what honesty really means.
Why personal bias feels honest but it's not.
Lecture on why criticism is dishonest and shallow and why it is important is being truly honesty to end all criticism.
Criticising others and the defensive mind - how to focus on being truly honest through encouragement and praise.
The Perfectionist - A visit from a former CEO of a blue chip company who is now burnt out and suffering from exhaustion due to constant criticism and being hard on himself to make his career a success. Projector needed to show pictures of his family who he lost due to work life balance and what the health consequences are.
How to work with people who are in defensive mode and help them open up and reverse their behaviour from reactive to proactive.
Ending the cycle of limitations by dealing with unhelpful conditioning from parents, teachers, religion and society.
Empowerment of the mind through suggestion and self hypnosis.
If I had children, I would love them to go to classes like this. I think it's a sign on an out of balanced world that we do not take the time to help our young manage how they feel. We all have been left to work it out for ourselves by bumbling a long and hoping for the best. Life's random as it is and we have no idea what will happen to us a long the way, having the tools and the confidence to be able to manage our emotions with what happens is invaluable. It's crazy we are not equipped with what we need.
It's not anyones fault they are experiencing emotional issues such as anxiety, depression, stress or anger issues and have trouble dealing with them. Society blames people for not being on control and doing stupid things but the part of the mind responsible is designed to be irrational so how can it be their fault? Yet their critic often arises and they put themselves down and this is fed by people who do the same to them too. No wonder people often have such low opinions of themselves with this going on.
Time to end the cycle, whilst there might not be any classes like this at school. There are people who are admitting they need help to manage their emotions and life better. They are coming to seek advice, techniques and empowerment through mind coaching with various therapies. This is not a sign of weakness, this is a sign of strength and if only more people had access or thought about going for help.
It's simply the best investment you will ever make.
Life's too short for a mind held back unhelpful conditioning, it's also too short to settle for a life where you hope your issues will change all by themselves, they won't. Wherever you are in the world seek help. I offer sessions online and in person and I hope through working with me that you realise just how powerful you really are and just what you can do with that power.
The Life Doctor can see you for one to one sessions online or in my office based in Hove in East Sussex. UK.
Picture credit Jscreationzs
Fighting Coffee
The adrenaline surges around your body.
The rational part of your brain starts to be sidelined in order to run on reactive instinct to keep you alive.
Energy is diverted from your brain, immune system, digestive system into your arms and legs, flight or fight?
Your nervous system is being pushed to the limit as your brain reacts to this life threatening danger.
What's the danger here?
Of course there isn't any, but this is the typical reaction to a cup of coffee as caffeine stimulates survival mode in your brain.
Some people think caffeine doesn't cause them any problems, whilst for some that may be true, for others it's either denial or poor judgement as they are likely to be addicted to the stuff. It only takes 7 days of drinking coffee to be addicted and then after that the mind stimulation people think they are experiencing is their fight or flight going into action and also bizarrely their cravings being satisfied. Being told to stop or even thinking about stopping can get the mind making all sorts of excuses so it can continue getting its hit. Caffeine lasts about 6 hours in your system but over time like most stimulants, it's effects get less so the brain gets you to drink more or search for other stimulants to keep you alert. This is a vicious cycle as the stimulants will often lead to do a drop in alertness which leads you to look for more to keep you functioning.
Caffeine causes problems for many of my clients when combined with a sensitive nervous system, it begins with the worrying, frustration, snappiness, negative thoughts, feeling tired and the odd restless nights sleep. It then can end up with insomnia, panic attacks, anxiety, outbursts of anger, heart palpitations, stomach disorders, low physical health, poor decision making, really dark thoughts and feeling exhausted. You will know if this is happening to you and the decision is whether to let this continue or to simply cut down and stop. Life is too short to have your nervous system under such pressure when you need it for normal every day life. As stress is now being labelled the new black death of the modern age, adding caffeine to the mix as well is a sure fire way of making things worse.
A stressed mind changes the way you look at and experience life, as the mind is running on reactive mode then the wise, rational and proactive part of you is sidelined to deal with possible dangers. That is a sh*t way to live life, you can't keep on living with fear motivating your mind as the result often burn out and clients who reach that stage are often in a very bad place which I wouldn't wish for anyone to experience. Dealing with and lowering stress is vital for a healthy mind and body and life's too short for being mentally challenged from too young an age. With stress being linked to mental disorders such as Alzheimer's we have to assess what we can realistically change in our lives to bring down the stress levels. Caffeine is a small change but powerful enough to create lasting results. Another problem with caffeine is that it is prevents your brain chemistry working properly one chemical we need to work in balance is adenosine. Some of it's jobs include helping you sleep, dealing with inflammation and calm down your nervous system. It cannot do this so well when it's being blocked by caffeine. This just makes life that much harder if your body is struggling to function as well as it could.
Whilst researching this article someone told me that the caffeine in tea was different and that it didn't have the same effect as caffeine in coffee. The only difference that I could find was the theory that caffeine may be absorbed more slowly. Is that a good thing? Well drawing out the survival mode response doesn't sound that good to me. I also found some articles which suggested people becoming hooked on being stimulated by coffee are more likely to seek out being stimulated through drugs too.
The other side of the coin is that coffee in moderation can have apparent health benefits which include reduced risk of Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, Diabetes and certain types of cancers so you have to weigh up what's more important for you. These benefits can also be gained through other ways including decaf coffee so I wouldn't use the list as an excuse to continue with caffeine hits especially if you are prone to anxiety, anger, tension etc.
The bottom line is that caffeine is a problem for people who are suffering from various levels of stress, anxiety, restless sleep, anger and any other nervous system related problems. If you suspect this is you then you would certainly benefit from cutting down and maybe stopping. There maybe a withdrawal period which may feel uncomfortable but this passes very quickly and then note down any changes you notice with your current issues. I have seen way too many clients benefit from cutting down and stopping caffeine intake, they are often shocked at how easy it was for them and how good they feel.
The Life Doctor is available for private sessions online or in person at my office in Hove
Why are men so f*cked up?
"Why are men so f*cked up," a friend moaned to me last night as yet another date with a guy had turned sour.
They have a good point as women and men complain to me all the time about their relationships with guys from hell who carry around way to much emotional baggage.
The answer may be simple, women are in general much more likely to visit the doctor or a therapist when something is wrong. Men are taught from childhood to simply "man up", when it comes to their issues so they become masters of suppression and bottling up anything they need to address. This over time can cause anger, stress and depression which again get ignored or makes the guy feel ashamed and weak. There is a stigma that people seeking help are weak and useless when in fact I see it as the opposite.
This is changing though and I see many more guys taking the first steps to getting well needed help. Clients often worry they are coming across as mad, crazy, weak or a lost cause when they start opening up and they don't often acknowledge how brave they are to come to see me. I cannot but help admire anyone who comes to see a total stranger and share their deepest and darkest fears, worries and behaviours so they can be changed.
I think as a society we should be embracing therapy to help enrich our minds and lives instead of just bumbling along hoping for the best.
If we need to learn new skills for example a new career, then we would not hesitate and I see gathering skills to deal with life and the mind just as vital. Empowering yourself is one of the best investments you can make for your future and it's never too late as some of clients in their 70's will testify.
If more people got help for their issues wouldn't the world be a more relaxed and easier place?
I think so.
Paul Sheppard is The Life Doctor and is available for therapy sessions online and in person in Brighton and Hove, UK.
Picture credit to Graur Razvan Ionuf
Why Such a Tense Neck?
As an Alexander Technique practitioner in Brighton we are trained to encourage our pupils to free their necks as poor posture can be traced to over tense neck muscles triggered by stress and emotional problems. Also a twisted posture can put a strain on the spine, restricting movements and breathing.
However do we ask enough why they're tense in the first place?
During Alexander lessons I never really understood an expression we use: 'Let your neck be free'. I knew I wasn't actively tensing my neck. Oh yes I'm in no doubt my neck was pulling back when going into sitting and again into standing but I'm not doing that.
Was it a result of something else I was doing? Most people I work with are out of balance with their feet. They are either too forward, too far back, too on the insides etc. Once they get into better balance things let go especially in the legs and hips, and as you are all connected, their necks free up too. If they can stay in balance as they move, the movement will be much freer and open.
However some pupils were still quite tense in the neck and I wondered if they were pulling their whole neck column back in an attempt to stand up straight. They often incorrectly mapped the top of the spine too far back in the neck. Some were also holding onto their tummies, clenching their buttocks and even tucking their tail bones under in the attempt at perfect posture. When they stop doing these things ie: DID NOTHING their necks freed some more.
A few of my pupils work out hard in the gym and I asked myself why they we're so difficult to work on. If they are moving in an imbalanced way, lifting heavy weights is only reinforcing this pull down so I encourage them to reduce the weights and think about how they are using themselves. They need to come to their own conclusion and choose lengthening and widening or squashing and tension.
Is neck tension sometimes a reaction to stress, are they in effect going into the startle reflex pattern slowly? (startle reflex is the reaction in the body, for example when we hear a sudden load bang, everything shortens and comes in ). I saw the correlation between pupils with neck and shoulder pain. They couldn't quieten the mind, so I got them to be aware of the room around them including their peripheral vision which really helped. I encouraged them to choose not to rush around and to understand that perhaps they don't have to do everything. In the words of the American teacher Amira Alvarez: 'It's not a Tiger! I'm just 10 minutes late', or' It's not a Tiger I just have a presentation to give'. This helped enormously. Try putting those words in front of whatever you're doing next time you feel stressed.
A friend with a prolapsed disc told me about a traumatic experience in his childhood. Was his reaction to go into the startle reflex pattern because it actually was as bad as a tiger coming towards him? This may have become habitual and he would move this tense neck and body around year after year.
Our reaction to bereavement, an accident or illness might be another cause or even our response to temperature. It's been difficult to free our necks this winter.
I know myself I don't deal with stress well. This is probably why I was drawn to the Alexander Technique. I remember playing tennis one day and my neck pain started to come back , quite upsetting for an Alexander teacher. I knew I was worrying about something so I decided just to be present in the here and now and be in the game. I checked out my peripheral vision which helped instantly, the pain went and my game improved. Marvellous!
People who know about the Alexander Technique know that our heads should naturally tend to go forward and up like a toddlers but in many cases they don't. We can encourage people to free their necks but it is worth exploring the WHY? Ie: how have they got to this point.
- Genetic or structural weakness?
- Out of balance?
- Reaction to stress?
- Unable to quieten mind, always rushing?
- Trying to stand or sit up straight? Unreliable body map?
- Reinforcing imbalance in the gym etc?
- Trauma from childhood or more recent?
- Reaction to accident/illness?
- Or are they just cold?!!
Alexander Technique teachers can help by:
- Getting them into centred support/balance.
- Stopping the reaction to stress -Remember it's not a tiger!
- Quieten the mind - be visually present, include peripheral vision
- Reinforcing that good posture is not about trying to stand up straight. Encouraging the pupil to hold on less by using their minds..
- Map where the joints are more accurately, especially the top of the spine and hip joints.
- Reduce weights in gym concentrating on use and making sure the neck is free.
- Counselling or therapy might be a good addition if tension is due to trauma.
- Wear a scarf and wrap up warm when it's cold allowing arms to move freely.
I still encourage a free neck and at least I now have a better understanding of what that means and how tense necks came to be.
Mark Claireaux M.S.T.A.T.
www.alexandertechniquebrighton.com
Program your Mind for Success
The top mind conditions which affect your life and business which need to be reprogrammed are:
Lack of confidence
Anxiety
Procrastination
Motivation issues
Negative thoughts about the future
Lack of clarity and focus
Stress and pressure
Control issues
Low self esteem / worth
Negative behaviours
Energy exhaustion
These conditions are not your fault as they can be created in many ways especially during childhood and our teenage years. These can really hold back your success in life as you spend a lot of time trying to avoid what you fear in an illusionary future. Building up your self worth and confidence are vital for life and business success, life is really to short not to.
Procrastination, lack of clarity, motivation and energy an be symptoms of something else going on and getting you energised and back on track, moving in the right direction.
The mind is an amazing machine but it is open to abuse and this can result in an over reactive mind which makes your life much harder. You can learn to work with your mind in balance and to program your own mind for life and business success which is ecological with your authentic values.
The therapies and techniques I use have helped hundreds of people like you and if you would like to find out more then please contact me, life really is too short not to.
