The Most Important Lesson
Wouldn't it be good when you were at young and in school that after maths and before english there was a class showing you how to handle your emotions especially in those tough times. The teacher would encourage you to recognise your inner strengths and nurture them so they grow a bit more each day as you explore yourself and life.
I wonder if the syllabus would be something like this:
The limbic system exploration of why this emotional and survival centre makes life very hard when it's over active.
The irrational and exhausted mind - how to build your energy and clarity back to full strength.
Why suppressing emotions just makes things worse.
Paradox of control, being more in control by letting go of trying to control.
Embodiment classes to work with and explore the body, mind connection.
Master techniques to accept all emotional states no matter how uncomfortable they may feel.
Promise to be honest - explore through a written essay on what honesty really means.
Why personal bias feels honest but it's not.
Lecture on why criticism is dishonest and shallow and why it is important is being truly honesty to end all criticism.
Criticising others and the defensive mind - how to focus on being truly honest through encouragement and praise.
The Perfectionist - A visit from a former CEO of a blue chip company who is now burnt out and suffering from exhaustion due to constant criticism and being hard on himself to make his career a success. Projector needed to show pictures of his family who he lost due to work life balance and what the health consequences are.
How to work with people who are in defensive mode and help them open up and reverse their behaviour from reactive to proactive.
Ending the cycle of limitations by dealing with unhelpful conditioning from parents, teachers, religion and society.
Empowerment of the mind through suggestion and self hypnosis.
If I had children, I would love them to go to classes like this. I think it's a sign on an out of balanced world that we do not take the time to help our young manage how they feel. We all have been left to work it out for ourselves by bumbling a long and hoping for the best. Life's random as it is and we have no idea what will happen to us a long the way, having the tools and the confidence to be able to manage our emotions with what happens is invaluable. It's crazy we are not equipped with what we need.
It's not anyones fault they are experiencing emotional issues such as anxiety, depression, stress or anger issues and have trouble dealing with them. Society blames people for not being on control and doing stupid things but the part of the mind responsible is designed to be irrational so how can it be their fault? Yet their critic often arises and they put themselves down and this is fed by people who do the same to them too. No wonder people often have such low opinions of themselves with this going on.
Time to end the cycle, whilst there might not be any classes like this at school. There are people who are admitting they need help to manage their emotions and life better. They are coming to seek advice, techniques and empowerment through mind coaching with various therapies. This is not a sign of weakness, this is a sign of strength and if only more people had access or thought about going for help.
It's simply the best investment you will ever make.
Life's too short for a mind held back unhelpful conditioning, it's also too short to settle for a life where you hope your issues will change all by themselves, they won't. Wherever you are in the world seek help. I offer sessions online and in person and I hope through working with me that you realise just how powerful you really are and just what you can do with that power.
The Life Doctor can see you for one to one sessions online or in my office based in Hove in East Sussex. UK.
Picture credit Jscreationzs
Why are men so f*cked up?
"Why are men so f*cked up," a friend moaned to me last night as yet another date with a guy had turned sour.
They have a good point as women and men complain to me all the time about their relationships with guys from hell who carry around way to much emotional baggage.
The answer may be simple, women are in general much more likely to visit the doctor or a therapist when something is wrong. Men are taught from childhood to simply "man up", when it comes to their issues so they become masters of suppression and bottling up anything they need to address. This over time can cause anger, stress and depression which again get ignored or makes the guy feel ashamed and weak. There is a stigma that people seeking help are weak and useless when in fact I see it as the opposite.
This is changing though and I see many more guys taking the first steps to getting well needed help. Clients often worry they are coming across as mad, crazy, weak or a lost cause when they start opening up and they don't often acknowledge how brave they are to come to see me. I cannot but help admire anyone who comes to see a total stranger and share their deepest and darkest fears, worries and behaviours so they can be changed.
I think as a society we should be embracing therapy to help enrich our minds and lives instead of just bumbling along hoping for the best.
If we need to learn new skills for example a new career, then we would not hesitate and I see gathering skills to deal with life and the mind just as vital. Empowering yourself is one of the best investments you can make for your future and it's never too late as some of clients in their 70's will testify.
If more people got help for their issues wouldn't the world be a more relaxed and easier place?
I think so.
Paul Sheppard is The Life Doctor and is available for therapy sessions online and in person in Brighton and Hove, UK.
Picture credit to Graur Razvan Ionuf
Reality Bites
The world is your oyster, it's at your feet, live your dreams, you are unlimited, you can have it now, think positive thoughts and it's yours and there is nothing you cannot do or be.
Like most people these are some of the things I was told throughout my life to encourage me to have a happy successful life. I even have told people the same thing in the hope that they will be inspired too but there is a small problem with this and clients showed me the consequences of this positive type of thinking.
It can cause anxiety and depression and here's why:
We can be hyped up to believe we are better than we are and we can achieve much more than realistically possible. As we get older some people begin to realise that life is not as they were promised and they don't have the skills needed to get what they want. Reality starts to hit home and then the anxiety starts to set in.
It gets worse if they are in jobs which provide financial security but little in the way of fulfillment and the future looks even more bleak as they often see no way out.
Is reality negative then? Should we be teaching children to be more realistic when it comes to life and how it can be unfair and hard as well as amazing, inspiring and rewarding?
Personally I think people should be encouraged to go for their dreams and take some risks but they need the confidence and resourcefulness to handle life when it appears to go wrong. Life is going to have it's ups and downs and no matter how positive you want to be, there will be times when you feel down due to circumstances, it is learning how to handle that which will count.
Therapy is great way to learn how to handle your emotions and develop the resources that will help you confidently handle your future and develop a great attitude towards it.
Healthy Mind and Body
Healthy Body, Healthy Mind
Edd Power is my guest blogger this week as I wanted a personal fitness trainer to write a little about why exercise is important for mental health. You can contact Edd for more information at the bottom of the page.
It has been well known for thousands of years the link between mind and body and today the concept of a holistic approach to health and fitness is rapidly gaining popularity and acceptance.
Doctors have for a long time advised us to get more exercise and have outlined the benefits of reaching and maintaining a healthy weight and numerous research has proven that exercise can also be the best defence against stress, depression, ADHD, addiction, menopause, Alzheimer’s and we could in fact have the key to the fountain of youth right under our noses. Not only does exercise help you look good, but it also helps you feel good. When engaged in any form of exercise the body releases endorphins which very much like opiates produce a feeling of well-being. How much exercise? Well that’s another topic entirely but any form of regular activity that challenges you and raises your heart rate.
However let us not forget that it is not only our levels of activity that we need to consider in regards to being healthier but also the food we eat. Eating a balanced diet is an important part of a healthy life; some argue it’s in fact the most important part. What’s the balance? Well this can be quite confusing with various schools of thought on the matter but the general consensus is to have a mix of proteins, fat (yes I did say fat), carbohydrates in the form of vegetables /fruit and water. As much of 80% of us are walking around dehydrated! Maintaining a healthy diet will not only benefit your body but your mind as well and given that our brains utilise about 20% of the daily calorie intake is easy to understand that what we put down our throats can have a direct effect on the mind
Another essential (and often forgotten) factor we need to think about when looking to improve physical and mental health is sleep. Getting enough sleep will boost your health and productivity, and it will rejuvenate your body and mind. Numerous studies has shown that we should be aiming for around eight hours sleep a night and lack of sleep can take quite a dramatic toll on your brain’s ability to function, your appearance, and on your overall long-term health.
Our body and mind should be a top priority in our lives but today’s often hectic lifestyles can have such a negative impact on them but a healthy diet and regular exercise will improve overall health and wellbeing.
Here are my top tips:
- Engage in regular activity - Wether this is walking or running marathon. Find something that you enjoy but try and push your boundaries and up the intensity increasing your heart rate.
- Eat a balanced diet - Comprising of proteins, fats and carbohydrates
- Get enough sleep - Aim for eight hours a night.
- Stay hydrated - Government guidelines advise that we should try and drink at least eight glasses of water a day
You can contact me Edd Power here
Anxiety and the flake
Anxiety and the Flake
Are you a flake or do you have flaky friends?
Anxiety is a growing problem in the Brighton and due to the amount of clients in the past few years suffering with anxiety I have noticed a few patterns one of which is the subject of this blog.
A section of people suffering with anxiety are flakes.
The term flake not only refers to a chocolate bar which just fall apart when trying to eat it, but also refers to a behaviour pattern which can feed anxiety. If you are experiencing anxiety or a rough time in life and identify with the flaky behaviour listed below then think about changing this part of your life as the benefits are enormous.
Flakes are people who are in general:
Indecisive
Very, very, very busy
Don’t tend to arrive on time and terrible with time management
Drama magnets and creators
Seem to attract bad luck
Won’t commit to much just in case something better comes along
Elaborate liars
Often knackered and drained which can lead to more illness than usual
Moaners and often despite claims of being positive easily snap due to their negative views of life
Flakes also send out messages unconsciously which can tell people:
They can’t be trusted
There is something wrong with them
They can’t commit despite their promises
The mind loves a path to follow, a destination and a way to get there. The mind hates uncertainty and there is nothing more uncertain than a flaky life. The lies, the drama, the fear of not being in the right place or doing the right thing, the drama, the stress from being overly busy just puts pressure on the mind which over time will have consequences and can lead to depression.
The language of a flake is a dead giveaway as its non committal so watch out for:
Possibly
Maybe
Could be
It’s about
I think
I will try
Going with the flow
And anything else that literally casts doubts over what is being said or promised. There is a huge difference between “I will do” and “I will try”. It’s understandable why people are flaky as the pressure of commitment can create anxiety which then creates the flaky behaviour. Working on anxiety, fears of commitment or what is causing procrastination can help end the flaky behaviour.
Non Flakes are:
Focused
More confident
Able to see clearly with their clarity
Calmer and more relaxed
Trusted
Successful
Happier
Telling us that there is something right about them
Healthier
So what can you do?
First of all, start becoming aware of any flaky non committal language and change it to something more solid
Commit to doing things regardless of what might come along that may be better
Learn time management skills and be on time
Start dropping the drama from your life and moving away from others who create it
Take some time out to chill and relax as this helps your mind heal, drop the guilt from not being productive as relaxing is the most productive activity for your mind
Focus on what you want to experience more of in your future and create plans and small steps to help get you there. Without a strategy or making the goal too huge your mind will procrastinate
Therapy and mind coaching can help you start disciplining your mind to be more solid and also help you create a balance with flexibility and commitment working in harmony together. Anxiety really can be transformed when certainty is part of your life in a more productive way.
If you would like to have a chat about anything in my blogs which resonates with you then please contact me through my website www.the-life-doctor.com and I will look forward to hearing from you.
