Emotional Resistance is Futile.....
As the Borg like to remind the planets or ships they invade in the Star Trek series "Resistance is futile" what us humans resist within our lives tends to persist. Working with clients all these years has shown me how brilliant it would be if we were shown how to handle emotions. It seems that from a young age we are greatly confused by parents, teachers or other adult influences not to cry, feel anger or anything else when feeling upset, later we are told not to bottle it up and to let it all out. No wonder then that clients come to me with programmed responses which are not helpful when handling how they feel. How often have you felt an emotion arising within you and you have started to resist experiencing it only for it to get worse and drag on for hours, days and even in some cases weeks, months and years?
What happens for so many people is that they begin to fear experiencing an emotion so much that their life becomes ruled by trying to avoid feeling an emotion which their minds are now perceiving as so dangerous that the flight or fight response begins to kick in often creating panic attacks, anxiety and depression if left unchecked.
Common emotions / feelings people try to resist and avoid are:
Rejection
Loneliness
Boredom
Frustration
Fear
Guilt
Anger
Resisting emotions creates a battle within and this inner conflict creates a whole range of toxic chemicals which your mind and body create to deal with this situation and over time can to lead to feeling exhausted, dissociated with life, feeling over emotional, sensitive and feeling on the edge. If you find yourself saying "I should'nt be feeling this," then you are not accepting what is happening right now.
What you can do if this applies to you is to learn to not fear experiencing emotions, as they are just that...an emotion. The Borg feared emotions and also saw them as weak but then again they would not get to experience the wonders of passion, joy, excitement and love. Emotions and feelings come and if left to complete their cycle will pass. Just imagine not fearing rejection! You can also learn to experience the world in a way which reduces unhelpful emotions rising as your new perspectives create a helpful response instead. Life feels much easier when not burdened with an over sensitive and emotional states of mind.
Some tips to think about when it comes to experiencing emotions:
When you feel an uncomfortable emotion arising, allow yourself to experience it by simply exploring how it feels. Where do you feel that emotion? How strong is it? What happens when you explore it with each out breath?
Is the emotion based on a future prediction? Are you fortune telling? Is it 100% true that it will happen? What other possibilties could happen which you would prefer? What can you do right now to help this? If nothing then what could you focus your attention on instead?
What is the bigger picture about this emotion? Explore all possibilities linked to it by creating a map with the emotion in the centre and link each possibility to it. For example. Feeling rejected as you might not have heard back from someone. Are they busy? Did they get your message? Are they waiting until an appropriate time to talk to you?
Are you making the situation about you when it is actually someone elses problem?
Breath into the emotion and allow it to transform through it's natural cycle.
Most importantly if you find the emotions too painful or hard to deal with then go see someone who can help. I see therapy as a sort of coaching on the stuff we should have been taught but instead have been left to our own devizes on.
Trying to hold onto emotions is also creating resistance. Many people try to recreat happiness over and over and that certainly becomes futile as that is exhausting going from one fix to the next.
Life is too short to keep battling how you feel within and there is no winner in that war.
