What If I do it?
Obsessive thoughts part 2
Have you ever stood at the edge of a cliff, bridge or high building and had the alarming thought about jumping off?
In fact some people are so scared of these thoughts that they avoid any situation which could result in them being tempted to jump and end their lives.
Another common one is being in a kitchen with sharp knives or boiling water and the thought emerges which shows themselves being cut or burning themselves. Of course if they try to suppress those images the thought just gets stronger which is interpreted to mean they must want to do it. The reality is...of course you don't and you won't. If you are still not convinced then please get help so you can deal with that fear directly.
Common scary thoughts include:
Self harm
Harming others through direct or indirect action
Hurting babies or children directly or indirectly
Sex with children
Losing control
Dramatic death thoughts
All of the above thoughts are normal
The mind is very good at showing you what you don't want to happen and your emotional response will determine if the thought is shown again. For example people are scared of thoughts of sex or hurting children, if the thought produces fear of doing that then trying to make the thought go away can result in the thought gaining strength. If the thought produces mainly disgust then the thought tends to not be repeated. Fear tells your mind that what you were thinking must have been very important and will keep it lingering and repeating until it becomes unimportant.
If you are bored of the thought it also isn't repeated. Hence why giving the thought your full attention reduces its power, just like the exercise below which if you have not done, you could give it a try.
Dealing with the thought experiment:
Picture for me a thought which may feel obsessive or you don't like much when it appears.
Instead of trying to get rid of the thought, give it your full attention for as long as you can until your mind wanders to something else.
As soon as it has wandered to something else go back to the original thought and repeat.
Your mind hates focusing on boring stuff including thoughts which are repetitive.
You should notice that your attention span gets shorter on the obsessive thought as your mind literally starts to get bored of it. (we only have around 30 seconds of attention span).
Keep repeating until the thought no longer can be sustained or creates weaker or no emotional responses.
Obsessive thinking can be treated by working with the thoughts and working out if there are other issues and anxiety problems which need addressing. Therapy is great at addressing these problems and relieving the stress surrounding obsessive thinking.
If you have obsessive thoughts then it may be worth checking out these tips below to reduce the pressure on the limbic system which is responsible for your anxiety levels. It is also worth seeing a therapist to help you of there are any root issues that need addressing.
1. Drop the caffeine as it's the last thing your mind needs, it kicks in the survival mode which you are suffering from already.
2. Let go of watching the news and reading newspapers, as they are designed to literally piss you off.
3. Learn to relax thought mindfulness, meditation even if for just a few minutes at a time. This really works.
4. Get help learning to vent your anger, frustration in safe and productive ways (future article coming on this)
5. Get help letting go of guilt from the past which also adds pressure to your limbic system.
6. No point trying to be calmer if you are watching programs which get your heart racing through fear and tension.
7. Exercise is a life saver for many with anxiety, I cannot express enough how this really helps the mind become calmer and more relaxed.
8. Get therapy help for any rituals or OCD behaviour associated with obsessive thoughts.
9. Connect with friends more socially for support and good times
10. Let go of bad habits and work to change habits which hold you back and affect your mental health. Smoking, drugs, wrong crowd, over working, drinking too much, mindless television etc.
Next blog will be about how to vent and release pressure from within, I find this a vital tool to use when dealing with irrational emotions. As you know suppression doesn't work so confronting the thoughts and feelings by working them out with a
Anxiety, Confidence and The Power of Hypnosis
Many of you reading this may be a little curious as to how a therapist like myself works with powerful therapies like hypnosis, NLP, IEMT, NLP, counselling or any other tools I use to change anxiety. With your curiosity in mind I thought I would write a short article hopefully answering any questions you may have. If I have not then you can always contact me to ask me directly what you want to know. I work in Brighton & Hove or online with people around the country or world.
The biggest frustration many people have with anxiety is that they know their thoughts and reactions are in their words "stupid." They hate the irrational dark thoughts which create behaviours and feelings they know deep down, simply are not right and out of context with the situation. Feeling powerless adds to the anxiety and they simply do not know what to do next to help themselves and it's not as if we learn how to manage the mind in school is it? In my view it's pot luck as to what happens next when faced with an over active limbic system which is the survival and emotional centre of the brain.
Imagine an area of your brain which scans like a radar all of life around you and reacts in an instant to anything which threatens your wellbeing. It does this brilliantly by locking out any part of you which will question the danger so you react on instinct instead as the questioning may take up precious life saving time. This really works well in real life threatening danger but in today's society where we have never been so safe in our history, this reaction causes more harm than good. As most clients will tell me, fear of fear is a real problem for them as they hate it when their minds kick into reactive survival mode when it's completely unnecessary.
Why does it do it?
There can be many reasons but here are some common ones:
Traumatic past experiences creating memories which are referenced unfairly to protect them from future harm.
Suppressed anger from childhood or past experiences.
Guilt from past experiences (never underestimate the power of guilt, if it wasn't for this one I wouldn't have so many Catholic clients. Sad but true.)
A combination of past experiences which have stimulated the limbic system to be over worked.
Stress (they are calling this the black death of the 21st century, it's not an exaggeration either).
Interesting but poor lifestyle choices with drugs, drink, food etc
More clients are mentioning to me how their minds seemed to change after smoking the stronger forms of weed out there. Mind bending drugs seems to live up to their name but I bet the smoker wasn't thinking about developing paranoia for months or years after as side effect.
What does hypnosis do then?
Well it's not a magic cure that's for sure but it's powerful enough when combined with other therapies to change the way the brain is perceiving danger. Which results in a more calmer and confident attitude. Each client is different so using just one therapy is in my opinion a bit limited so a combination is used to help get each person to where they want to be as quickly, thoroughly and as successfully as possible.
Hypnosis is an altered state of mind which people can experience in different ways, some feel likes it's day dreaming, some feel deep in some sort of trance, some remember nothing, some remember everything. The best part of my work is to help each client learn to learn self hypnosis and program their own minds to change as who want's to rely on a therapist to do it? In my view part of the mind change is to go from powerless to powerful by being empowered to handle their own emotional states and program their own minds. Programming takes place through verbal, visual and feeling suggestions which influence how the mind processes life around you. Hypnotherapy is simply hypnosis with the therapy part added to influence positive change in the mind. My work always focuses on the limbic system becoming calmer and more proactive instead of reactive.
As one client remarked me to a few weeks ago "I can sort of remember what you said but it felt like my brain was being rewired. I just feel differently about that situation now, almost as if it never happened to me and it doesn't matter anymore."
That client in particular was able to carry on their own programming to continue their own progress as they had other goals in mind to use it for.
Hypnotherapy does work differently on some people as yes it's true it's all about who is more perceptible my work takes that into account, still making the combination approach is the best likely way to get the results desired.
Another way of working is through the client appearing to receive counselling, not that I am giving to give much away but I use the power of suggestion through our conversations to enhance our work together. The session is as proactive as I can make it, what happens next is the hopefully honest feedback which then gives me the information to fine tune further sessions to get the results wanted.
Will I need lots of sessions?
I have no idea how many sessions someone will need. I can only work as thoroughly, quickly and as successfully as I can by dealing with symptoms and the possible root of the problem. I do get clients who want me to just treat the symptoms which is really the lazy approach for the therapist and doesn't treat the problem. It's quick and easy money for the therapist who doesn't care about ethics or having the client relapse in the future. The client only comes when they can afford it and between sessions are given plenty to do to continue their own progress.
Can't you just do what Derren Brown or Paul Mckenna does on the television?
The people you see on these programmes have often gone through quite a few elimination processes to see if they are going to be susceptible for the dramatic results you see on television. You don't get to see who hasn't made the grade for good television and I don't and can't just pick the clients who I think will make me look like a better therapist. I have a great success rate which improves all the time through my passion in learning new ways of working with the mind and developing strategies for handling life feeling more confident, calm and in control. I am not the perfect therapist who promises what I cannot deliver, your mind is a grand experiment using therapies which with some personal tuning can deliver some powerful results. There's no guarantee but I can do my best as all I am interested in is getting you to have the life you could have.
After all my motto is "life is simply too short not to."
Picture supplied by Salvatore Vuono
2012 Intentions for a Better Life
Many of you will be looking at January 2012 as a time to make some big changes in areas of your life which need a bit of a kick up the butt.
The problem is though that some of you won't stick to the changes not because you don't want the change but simply because of a lack of a strategy. Some others will simply give up because the mind is that clever at going back to what was comfortable.
Here are some strategies, perspectives and points to remember when it comes to making changes with the intention to better your life.
Don't give panic your unconscious with too large a goal. If you intend to lose weight for example then saying to yourself lose 3 stone can seem like an unconscious mountain to climb. Break it down into smaller parts by starting with goal for each week or fortnight.
Learn to calm down and relax your mind, even if it's for a few minutes at a time as stressed minds find it hard to keep focus and make good decisions on best intentions.
Drop the caffeine if stressed or anxious. The caffeine triggers the flight or fight response which is the last thing you need to help you with your goals. It does't perk you up as believed so don't fall for that old myth.
Stop being hard on yourself as it just stresses out your mind and lowers your self esteem which in turn leads to your mind seeking comfort from old habits you want to let go of. The amount of clients who slag themselves off in the mirror then pop out for cake is a great reminder of why having a go at yourself just doesn't work. The intention is usually to motivate but it just ends up creating the opposite result.
End all criticism, this includes to yourself and others, it's shallow and dishonest as it doesn't look at the bigger picture at all. It just makes the mind stressed and creates defensive reactions which just makes life much harder for all involved.
Use encouragement to bring the best out in your and the people around you. This motivating approach helps your mind enjoy reaching the goals you are setting.
It's ok to step off the path now and then towards your goal. You are not perfect and now and then you will slip up. Your encouraging attitude will help you make an extra effort and pay back what you have done to yourself. An example being, if you eat too much one day, eat less the next and maybe pop to the gym, this is much better than simply giving up.
If exercise is on your intention list and you are unfamiliar with gym equipment then book a session which is usually free with your gym to work out a plan for the best way to optimise your time there. I often see people wandering from machine to machine with no clue what they are doing and no strategy to follow. This is a waste of time and becomes de-motivating as results desired will not show. A personal trainer is an even better idea even if it's just a few sessions to give you some ideas of exercises you can do to help you get fit, healthy and lighter.
Something that smokers or over eaters often forget is the legacy they are going to leave behind. This isn't criticism but a simple honest look at the future. I am sure no-one wants their family to go through the pain and suffering caused by watching a loved one slowly die from the most painful suffering due to poor lifestyle choices. I still meet people who years later are grieving painfully over the loss of someone close and due to that grief have had their life made that much harder. Do you really want the people you love to be left with your legacy of pain and suffering? The sad thing is that letting go of the lifestyle choices is perceived to be much harder than it is or the habit gives many illusionary benefits when it certainly doesn't. Invest now in letting go once and for all as life's too short not to and that's not just for you either.
Make your intentions fun to achieve and get support from your family and social network to encourage you to reach them. The more you enjoy it the more you are likely to reach your goals.
If you don't have a strategy then you could fail as the mind loves direction and a plan. If you need one then find someone who can give you advice on what options there are for your strategy.
Get some mind coaching therapy if there are things in your past you need to work with and let go of which will help you reach your goals. Your past conditioning can prevent the progress you deserve which is frustrating and really annoying as it can feed low self esteem and feelings of being a failure.
A vision board can be motivating as it contains images of your desired future but chunk it down to create a board of images which represent the next month or so. If for example you have a millionaires yacht or home on the board your mind can simply see that as too far ahead or impossible.
Your unconscious is like a dog who will go fetch whatever your project from your mind into the future. Wagging its tail it will bring back with no judgment what you were focusing on and will draw your attention to anything related. Great for positive and proactive future thoughts but really quite rubbish for anything negative and un-proactive.
Nutrition is vital for a healthy body which helps to maintain a healthy mind, feeding yourself lots of sh*t food (all brown and beige) will just make it that much harder to succeed. Of course you can't eat brilliantly all the time but around 80% great with 20% whatever is much healthier balance.
Get hydrated! Your cells shrivel when dehydrated and that makes it much harder to have the clarity and energy you need for your life as they can't function properly.
The key to your success is to work on developing your inner resources such as confidence, strength, self esteem, focus, willpower, determination, calm, clear and proactive mind, plus anything else you have within. Helping them flourish is the most rewarding investment you could ever make.
I am here to help too, having mind coaching to reach your goals cannot be underestimated. Good luck and make this work for you the best way you can. Life's too short to give up when it feels too hard when the reality is that your mind may simply just need a tweak here and there. Contact The Life Doctor for more help.
The Most Important Lesson
Wouldn't it be good when you were at young and in school that after maths and before english there was a class showing you how to handle your emotions especially in those tough times. The teacher would encourage you to recognise your inner strengths and nurture them so they grow a bit more each day as you explore yourself and life.
I wonder if the syllabus would be something like this:
The limbic system exploration of why this emotional and survival centre makes life very hard when it's over active.
The irrational and exhausted mind - how to build your energy and clarity back to full strength.
Why suppressing emotions just makes things worse.
Paradox of control, being more in control by letting go of trying to control.
Embodiment classes to work with and explore the body, mind connection.
Master techniques to accept all emotional states no matter how uncomfortable they may feel.
Promise to be honest - explore through a written essay on what honesty really means.
Why personal bias feels honest but it's not.
Lecture on why criticism is dishonest and shallow and why it is important is being truly honesty to end all criticism.
Criticising others and the defensive mind - how to focus on being truly honest through encouragement and praise.
The Perfectionist - A visit from a former CEO of a blue chip company who is now burnt out and suffering from exhaustion due to constant criticism and being hard on himself to make his career a success. Projector needed to show pictures of his family who he lost due to work life balance and what the health consequences are.
How to work with people who are in defensive mode and help them open up and reverse their behaviour from reactive to proactive.
Ending the cycle of limitations by dealing with unhelpful conditioning from parents, teachers, religion and society.
Empowerment of the mind through suggestion and self hypnosis.
If I had children, I would love them to go to classes like this. I think it's a sign on an out of balanced world that we do not take the time to help our young manage how they feel. We all have been left to work it out for ourselves by bumbling a long and hoping for the best. Life's random as it is and we have no idea what will happen to us a long the way, having the tools and the confidence to be able to manage our emotions with what happens is invaluable. It's crazy we are not equipped with what we need.
It's not anyones fault they are experiencing emotional issues such as anxiety, depression, stress or anger issues and have trouble dealing with them. Society blames people for not being on control and doing stupid things but the part of the mind responsible is designed to be irrational so how can it be their fault? Yet their critic often arises and they put themselves down and this is fed by people who do the same to them too. No wonder people often have such low opinions of themselves with this going on.
Time to end the cycle, whilst there might not be any classes like this at school. There are people who are admitting they need help to manage their emotions and life better. They are coming to seek advice, techniques and empowerment through mind coaching with various therapies. This is not a sign of weakness, this is a sign of strength and if only more people had access or thought about going for help.
It's simply the best investment you will ever make.
Life's too short for a mind held back unhelpful conditioning, it's also too short to settle for a life where you hope your issues will change all by themselves, they won't. Wherever you are in the world seek help. I offer sessions online and in person and I hope through working with me that you realise just how powerful you really are and just what you can do with that power.
The Life Doctor can see you for one to one sessions online or in my office based in Hove in East Sussex. UK.
Picture credit Jscreationzs
Fighting Coffee
The adrenaline surges around your body.
The rational part of your brain starts to be sidelined in order to run on reactive instinct to keep you alive.
Energy is diverted from your brain, immune system, digestive system into your arms and legs, flight or fight?
Your nervous system is being pushed to the limit as your brain reacts to this life threatening danger.
What's the danger here?
Of course there isn't any, but this is the typical reaction to a cup of coffee as caffeine stimulates survival mode in your brain.
Some people think caffeine doesn't cause them any problems, whilst for some that may be true, for others it's either denial or poor judgement as they are likely to be addicted to the stuff. It only takes 7 days of drinking coffee to be addicted and then after that the mind stimulation people think they are experiencing is their fight or flight going into action and also bizarrely their cravings being satisfied. Being told to stop or even thinking about stopping can get the mind making all sorts of excuses so it can continue getting its hit. Caffeine lasts about 6 hours in your system but over time like most stimulants, it's effects get less so the brain gets you to drink more or search for other stimulants to keep you alert. This is a vicious cycle as the stimulants will often lead to do a drop in alertness which leads you to look for more to keep you functioning.
Caffeine causes problems for many of my clients when combined with a sensitive nervous system, it begins with the worrying, frustration, snappiness, negative thoughts, feeling tired and the odd restless nights sleep. It then can end up with insomnia, panic attacks, anxiety, outbursts of anger, heart palpitations, stomach disorders, low physical health, poor decision making, really dark thoughts and feeling exhausted. You will know if this is happening to you and the decision is whether to let this continue or to simply cut down and stop. Life is too short to have your nervous system under such pressure when you need it for normal every day life. As stress is now being labelled the new black death of the modern age, adding caffeine to the mix as well is a sure fire way of making things worse.
A stressed mind changes the way you look at and experience life, as the mind is running on reactive mode then the wise, rational and proactive part of you is sidelined to deal with possible dangers. That is a sh*t way to live life, you can't keep on living with fear motivating your mind as the result often burn out and clients who reach that stage are often in a very bad place which I wouldn't wish for anyone to experience. Dealing with and lowering stress is vital for a healthy mind and body and life's too short for being mentally challenged from too young an age. With stress being linked to mental disorders such as Alzheimer's we have to assess what we can realistically change in our lives to bring down the stress levels. Caffeine is a small change but powerful enough to create lasting results. Another problem with caffeine is that it is prevents your brain chemistry working properly one chemical we need to work in balance is adenosine. Some of it's jobs include helping you sleep, dealing with inflammation and calm down your nervous system. It cannot do this so well when it's being blocked by caffeine. This just makes life that much harder if your body is struggling to function as well as it could.
Whilst researching this article someone told me that the caffeine in tea was different and that it didn't have the same effect as caffeine in coffee. The only difference that I could find was the theory that caffeine may be absorbed more slowly. Is that a good thing? Well drawing out the survival mode response doesn't sound that good to me. I also found some articles which suggested people becoming hooked on being stimulated by coffee are more likely to seek out being stimulated through drugs too.
The other side of the coin is that coffee in moderation can have apparent health benefits which include reduced risk of Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, Diabetes and certain types of cancers so you have to weigh up what's more important for you. These benefits can also be gained through other ways including decaf coffee so I wouldn't use the list as an excuse to continue with caffeine hits especially if you are prone to anxiety, anger, tension etc.
The bottom line is that caffeine is a problem for people who are suffering from various levels of stress, anxiety, restless sleep, anger and any other nervous system related problems. If you suspect this is you then you would certainly benefit from cutting down and maybe stopping. There maybe a withdrawal period which may feel uncomfortable but this passes very quickly and then note down any changes you notice with your current issues. I have seen way too many clients benefit from cutting down and stopping caffeine intake, they are often shocked at how easy it was for them and how good they feel.
The Life Doctor is available for private sessions online or in person at my office in Hove
