blog

What If I do it?

Wed, 01 Feb 2012 11:13:00 +0000

Obsessive thoughts part 2

Have you ever stood at the edge of a cliff, bridge or high building and had the alarming thought about jumping off?

In fact some people are so scared of these thoughts that they avoid any situation which could result in them being tempted to jump and end their lives.

Another common one is being in a kitchen with sharp knives or boiling water and the thought emerges which shows themselves being cut or burning themselves. Of course if they try to suppress those images the thought just gets stronger which is interpreted to mean they must want to do it. The reality is...of course you don't and you won't. If you are still not convinced then please get help so you can deal with that fear directly.

Common scary thoughts include:

Self harm

Harming others through direct or indirect action

Hurting babies or children directly or indirectly

Sex with children

Losing control

Dramatic death thoughts

All of the above thoughts are normal

The mind is very good at showing you what you don't want to happen and your emotional response will determine if the thought is shown again. For example people are scared of thoughts of sex or hurting children, if the thought produces fear of doing that then trying to make the thought go away can result in the thought gaining strength. If the thought produces mainly disgust then the thought tends to not be repeated. Fear tells your mind that what you were thinking must have been very important and will keep it lingering and repeating until it becomes unimportant.

If you are bored of the thought it also isn't repeated. Hence why giving the thought your full attention reduces its power, just like the exercise below which if you have not done, you could give it a try.

Dealing with the thought experiment:

Picture for me a thought which may feel obsessive or you don't like much when it appears.

Instead of trying to get rid of the thought, give it your full attention for as long as you can until your mind wanders to something else.

As soon as it has wandered to something else go back to the original thought and repeat.

Your mind hates focusing on boring stuff including thoughts which are repetitive.

You should notice that your attention span gets shorter on the obsessive thought as your mind literally starts to get bored of it. (we only have around 30 seconds of attention span).

Keep repeating until the thought no longer can be sustained or creates weaker or no emotional responses.

Obsessive thinking can be treated by working with the thoughts and working out if there are other issues and anxiety problems which need addressing. Therapy is great at addressing these problems and relieving the stress surrounding obsessive thinking.

If you have obsessive thoughts then it may be worth checking out these tips below to reduce the pressure on the limbic system which is responsible for your anxiety levels. It is also worth seeing a therapist to help you of there are any root issues that need addressing.

1. Drop the caffeine as it's the last thing your mind needs, it kicks in the survival mode which you are suffering from already.

2. Let go of watching the news and reading newspapers, as they are designed to literally piss you off.

3. Learn to relax thought mindfulness, meditation even if for just a few minutes at a time. This really works.

4. Get help learning to vent your anger, frustration in safe and productive ways (future article coming on this)

5. Get help letting go of guilt from the past which also adds pressure to your limbic system.

6. No point trying to be calmer if you are watching programs which get your heart racing through fear and tension.

7. Exercise is a life saver for many with anxiety, I cannot express enough how this really helps the mind become calmer and more relaxed.

8. Get therapy help for any rituals or OCD behaviour associated with obsessive thoughts.

9. Connect with friends more socially for support and good times

10. Let go of bad habits and work to change habits which hold you back and affect your mental health. Smoking, drugs, wrong crowd, over working, drinking too much, mindless television etc.

Next blog will be about how to vent and release pressure from within, I find this a vital tool to use when dealing with irrational emotions. As you know suppression doesn't work so confronting the thoughts and feelings by working them out with a

Obsessive Thoughts

Mon, 30 Jan 2012 15:54:00 +0000

"My thoughts are driving me mad!"

"They scare me!"
"I can't get them out of my head!"
"I can't stop thinking about (insert obsession here)."

Your mind is very powerful and it is very good at repeating in your lovely head what it thinks is very important to show you.

Levels of importance are determined by your emotional response to the thought and what you try to do with it. The most common approaches with thoughts which are bugging people are:

Try to suppress
Fight them
Distract them
Put them in an imaginary room or box in the head

The problem with any of these strategies is that your mind is being told that these are very important and therefore must be drawn to your attention when appropriate.

A common example is food:

"I can't stop thinking about food, my meal times and what I shouldn't be eating." Is a common problem for clients who have food issues. Their minds seeing the importance of the thought keeps repeating them over and over which feels like it is driving them mad.
"Food is on my mind all the time." Cries client after client.
"I wish I could stop thinking about food." Another says unrealistically.

Do not think of a pink pig smiling at you

Your mind has to check by thinking of the pink pig that you are not thinking of the pink pig. The more you try to not think of the pig, the more your mind has to think of it, hence why people fail to suppress their thoughts.

Thoughts are just thoughts

You have thousands of thoughts each day, most of them hardly register at all as they are unimportant. Some though you give extra meaning to when you recognise the thought appearing.

Going back to food, just imagine that you noticed a thought of a cake in your thought stream. The thought is just a thought but to someone who has a food issue this cake has extra meaning and as they try and not think of it, it comes back over and over which must mean they want to eat it. This is not true, the thought is just a thought but now it has extra meaning and thoughts of acting on it are also given extra meaning which results in a more likely action of the cake being binged on.

Dealing with the thought experiment

Picture for me a thought which may feel obsessive or you don't like much when it appears.

Instead of trying to get rid of the thought, give it your full attention for as long as you can until your mind wanders to something else.

As soon as it has wandered to something else go back to the original thought and repeat.

You should notice that your attention span gets shorter on the obsessive thought as your mind literally starts to get bored of it. (we only have around 30 seconds of attention span).

Keep repeating until the thought no longer can be sustained or creates an emotional response.

After all a thought is just a thought.

The Life Doctor based in Brighton and Hove can help you with OCD, food issues and obsessive thoughts in all areas of life with one to one sessions in person or online.

Picture credit to Nutdanai Apikhomboonwaroot

The Risk

Mon, 30 Jan 2012 15:08:00 +0000

It was a risk worth taking but I thought I would take a chance and post the most grossest article I could about dietry behaviour. The response was mixed but I am glad I took the risk as some people have said that the Shit Diet article opened their eyes to food in a whole new way. Yes I heard some people were disgusted and even called my professionalism into question and others couldn't look at the attached picture of what appeared to be either chocolate or shit on the tongue of someone's mouth. The article in my view simply creates a negative connection with a diet out of balance in brown or beige foods, it encourages the use of more colour to be added to a diet. The feedback from those it hit hard was really good to hear with emails saying how true it was, a couple of people asked me to do the same with smoking too, which is in the works. Sometimes people need a different approach and this down to earth and gross tactic worked well for some people, with that in mind I know I can write articles which will have the intended affect. After all, how rubbish would it be to worry about upsetting a few people if I knew that some people would benefit from me taking a risk? Here is the original article if you wish to have a read. (just don't eat chocolate at the same time....) Click here

A Shit Diet

Mon, 16 Jan 2012 16:09:00 +0000

Is your diet literally shit?

Listening to people who claim to love food, it soon becomes clear they don't love food at all, they are simply addicted to really shit food. Think about all the food you claim to love and cannot but help shovel down your throat. Picture them in your mind spread out on a large table. Do they consist mostly of these?

Cakes

Chocolates

Ice cream

Chips / crisps

Curries

Fried foods

Bread

Pasta

Junk cereals

Maybe you have not thought about this before, but if the colour of the foods you claim to love or have issues with has the colour of what a sick dog leaves behind for people to step in on pavements, then the answer is a resounding yes. You love shit food!! Brown and various shades of beige is the worst coloured food diet you can have. You are worth much more than this and your diet really needs some colour or otherwise there are some dire consequences which include:

Lack of energy

Fat

Physical health issues which shorten your lifespan usually at the point when you have so much to live for

Mental health issues

Sleep disorders

Anxiety and stress issues

There is a theory that we are attracted naturally to brown and beige foods due to baby food being the same colours. We find these colours comforting and are programmed from a young age to find shit colours appealing as blended food goes the colour of poop.

Life is too short for a shit diet and you are worth much more than the poop you are shovelling down your throat. So the next time you dish up that curry, get out those cookies, cake, chocolate or down that cola. Take a real long look at what you going to eat and drink. Is this shit diet really going to help fuel your body and give it what it really needs? Do you really want to cut your life short and which members of your family are going to have to deal with by eventually wiping your ass as your health plummets and deal with crap you leave behind when you are gone? I have lost count of the clients who are condemned to a life of misery due to someone's lifestyle choices ending their lives horrendously. There is no blame here as diet information is often confusing and contradictory, combine that with stress, anger and anxiety and we have shit foods providing illusionary comfort. Yet the future beckons with consequences no-one deserves. It is time for action and 2012 could be the year where you finally sort it out once and for all.

If you have food issues - get help

If you are addicted to certain foods - get help

If food is being used to make you feel good - get help

If you don't know what's best to eat - get help

It could be the best investment you make for yourself as well as for the people who love and are closest to you. Life's too short and hard at times to inflict on yourself and others the results of a shit diet. This is about a lifestyle change, this is not about stopping the shit food for a few days at a time in order to lose some weight. Diets do not work and can cause a lot of misery as they tend to fail. What lifestyle changes can you make to ensure you leave the crap stuff alone?

So next time you get those brown and beige foods out, imagine they are dog shit. Actually that reminds me, dogs get better food than kids these days! Would you give a dog chocolate cereal? They list on pet food adverts how healthy their product is and yet adverts for food don't tend to mention the nutritional value. (Well they can't talk about what's not there).

Oh yes...dog shit on your plate and you are gonna shovel that down your throat....how tasty and....I wonder what those bits are? When you go to the loo, look down the bowl and look at the colour of what your body is getting rid of as waste. Do you really want to feed yourself with stuff that looks like that?

If you are going to make yourself eat something that does nothing at all for your body then make sure it's the best shit there is, it's amazing how many people eat shit they do not even like that much! That is only acceptable if you are into scat as a fetish (though the psychology around that leaves me just as worried!

Good luck with changing your shit diet, if you want some help then please contact me!

In the mean time.....don't even get me started on what a pizza looks like......

Anxiety, Confidence and The Power of Hypnosis

Fri, 30 Dec 2011 13:10:00 +0000

Many of you reading this may be a little curious as to how a therapist like myself works with powerful therapies like hypnosis, NLP, IEMT, NLP, counselling or any other tools I use to change anxiety. With your curiosity in mind I thought I would write a short article hopefully answering any questions you may have. If I have not then you can always contact me to ask me directly what you want to know. I work in Brighton & Hove or online with people around the country or world.

The biggest frustration many people have with anxiety is that they know their thoughts and reactions are in their words "stupid." They hate the irrational dark thoughts which create behaviours and feelings they know deep down, simply are not right and out of context with the situation. Feeling powerless adds to the anxiety and they simply do not know what to do next to help themselves and it's not as if we learn how to manage the mind in school is it? In my view it's pot luck as to what happens next when faced with an over active limbic system which is the survival and emotional centre of the brain.

Imagine an area of your brain which scans like a radar all of life around you and reacts in an instant to anything which threatens your wellbeing. It does this brilliantly by locking out any part of you which will question the danger so you react on instinct instead as the questioning may take up precious life saving time. This really works well in real life threatening danger but in today's society where we have never been so safe in our history, this reaction causes more harm than good. As most clients will tell me, fear of fear is a real problem for them as they hate it when their minds kick into reactive survival mode when it's completely unnecessary.

Why does it do it?

There can be many reasons but here are some common ones:

Traumatic past experiences creating memories which are referenced unfairly to protect them from future harm.

Suppressed anger from childhood or past experiences.

Guilt from past experiences (never underestimate the power of guilt, if it wasn't for this one I wouldn't have so many Catholic clients. Sad but true.)

A combination of past experiences which have stimulated the limbic system to be over worked.

Stress (they are calling this the black death of the 21st century, it's not an exaggeration either).

Interesting but poor lifestyle choices with drugs, drink, food etc

More clients are mentioning to me how their minds seemed to change after smoking the stronger forms of weed out there. Mind bending drugs seems to live up to their name but I bet the smoker wasn't thinking about developing paranoia for months or years after as side effect.

What does hypnosis do then?

Well it's not a magic cure that's for sure but it's powerful enough when combined with other therapies to change the way the brain is perceiving danger. Which results in a more calmer and confident attitude. Each client is different so using just one therapy is in my opinion a bit limited so a combination is used to help get each person to where they want to be as quickly, thoroughly and as successfully as possible.

Hypnosis is an altered state of mind which people can experience in different ways, some feel likes it's day dreaming, some feel deep in some sort of trance, some remember nothing, some remember everything. The best part of my work is to help each client learn to learn self hypnosis and program their own minds to change as who want's to rely on a therapist to do it? In my view part of the mind change is to go from powerless to powerful by being empowered to handle their own emotional states and program their own minds. Programming takes place through verbal, visual and feeling suggestions which influence how the mind processes life around you. Hypnotherapy is simply hypnosis with the therapy part added to influence positive change in the mind. My work always focuses on the limbic system becoming calmer and more proactive instead of reactive.

As one client remarked me to a few weeks ago "I can sort of remember what you said but it felt like my brain was being rewired. I just feel differently about that situation now, almost as if it never happened to me and it doesn't matter anymore."

That client in particular was able to carry on their own programming to continue their own progress as they had other goals in mind to use it for.

Hypnotherapy does work differently on some people as yes it's true it's all about who is more perceptible my work takes that into account, still making the combination approach is the best likely way to get the results desired.

Another way of working is through the client appearing to receive counselling, not that I am giving to give much away but I use the power of suggestion through our conversations to enhance our work together. The session is as proactive as I can make it, what happens next is the hopefully honest feedback which then gives me the information to fine tune further sessions to get the results wanted.

Will I need lots of sessions?

I have no idea how many sessions someone will need. I can only work as thoroughly, quickly and as successfully as I can by dealing with symptoms and the possible root of the problem. I do get clients who want me to just treat the symptoms which is really the lazy approach for the therapist and doesn't treat the problem. It's quick and easy money for the therapist who doesn't care about ethics or having the client relapse in the future. The client only comes when they can afford it and between sessions are given plenty to do to continue their own progress.

Can't you just do what Derren Brown or Paul Mckenna does on the television?

The people you see on these programmes have often gone through quite a few elimination processes to see if they are going to be susceptible for the dramatic results you see on television. You don't get to see who hasn't made the grade for good television and I don't and can't just pick the clients who I think will make me look like a better therapist. I have a great success rate which improves all the time through my passion in learning new ways of working with the mind and developing strategies for handling life feeling more confident, calm and in control. I am not the perfect therapist who promises what I cannot deliver, your mind is a grand experiment using therapies which with some personal tuning can deliver some powerful results. There's no guarantee but I can do my best as all I am interested in is getting you to have the life you could have.

After all my motto is "life is simply too short not to."

Picture supplied by Salvatore Vuono

2012 Intentions for a Better Life

Tue, 20 Dec 2011 11:22:00 +0000

Many of you will be looking at January 2012 as a time to make some big changes in areas of your life which need a bit of a kick up the butt.

The problem is though that some of you won't stick to the changes not because you don't want the change but simply because of a lack of a strategy. Some others will simply give up because the mind is that clever at going back to what was comfortable.

Here are some strategies, perspectives and points to remember when it comes to making changes with the intention to better your life.

Don't give panic your unconscious with too large a goal. If you intend to lose weight for example then saying to yourself lose 3 stone can seem like an unconscious mountain to climb. Break it down into smaller parts by starting with goal for each week or fortnight.

Learn to calm down and relax your mind, even if it's for a few minutes at a time as stressed minds find it hard to keep focus and make good decisions on best intentions.

Drop the caffeine if stressed or anxious. The caffeine triggers the flight or fight response which is the last thing you need to help you with your goals. It does't perk you up as believed so don't fall for that old myth.

Stop being hard on yourself as it just stresses out your mind and lowers your self esteem which in turn leads to your mind seeking comfort from old habits you want to let go of. The amount of clients who slag themselves off in the mirror then pop out for cake is a great reminder of why having a go at yourself just doesn't work. The intention is usually to motivate but it just ends up creating the opposite result.

End all criticism, this includes to yourself and others, it's shallow and dishonest as it doesn't look at the bigger picture at all. It just makes the mind stressed and creates defensive reactions which just makes life much harder for all involved.

Use encouragement to bring the best out in your and the people around you. This motivating approach helps your mind enjoy reaching the goals you are setting.

It's ok to step off the path now and then towards your goal. You are not perfect and now and then you will slip up. Your encouraging attitude will help you make an extra effort and pay back what you have done to yourself. An example being, if you eat too much one day, eat less the next and maybe pop to the gym, this is much better than simply giving up.

If exercise is on your intention list and you are unfamiliar with gym equipment then book a session which is usually free with your gym to work out a plan for the best way to optimise your time there. I often see people wandering from machine to machine with no clue what they are doing and no strategy to follow. This is a waste of time and becomes de-motivating as results desired will not show. A personal trainer is an even better idea even if it's just a few sessions to give you some ideas of exercises you can do to help you get fit, healthy and lighter.

Something that smokers or over eaters often forget is the legacy they are going to leave behind. This isn't criticism but a simple honest look at the future. I am sure no-one wants their family to go through the pain and suffering caused by watching a loved one slowly die from the most painful suffering due to poor lifestyle choices. I still meet people who years later are grieving painfully over the loss of someone close and due to that grief have had their life made that much harder. Do you really want the people you love to be left with your legacy of pain and suffering? The sad thing is that letting go of the lifestyle choices is perceived to be much harder than it is or the habit gives many illusionary benefits when it certainly doesn't. Invest now in letting go once and for all as life's too short not to and that's not just for you either.

Make your intentions fun to achieve and get support from your family and social network to encourage you to reach them. The more you enjoy it the more you are likely to reach your goals.

If you don't have a strategy then you could fail as the mind loves direction and a plan. If you need one then find someone who can give you advice on what options there are for your strategy.

Get some mind coaching therapy if there are things in your past you need to work with and let go of which will help you reach your goals. Your past conditioning can prevent the progress you deserve which is frustrating and really annoying as it can feed low self esteem and feelings of being a failure.

A vision board can be motivating as it contains images of your desired future but chunk it down to create a board of images which represent the next month or so. If for example you have a millionaires yacht or home on the board your mind can simply see that as too far ahead or impossible.

Your unconscious is like a dog who will go fetch whatever your project from your mind into the future. Wagging its tail it will bring back with no judgment what you were focusing on and will draw your attention to anything related. Great for positive and proactive future thoughts but really quite rubbish for anything negative and un-proactive.

Nutrition is vital for a healthy body which helps to maintain a healthy mind, feeding yourself lots of sh*t food (all brown and beige) will just make it that much harder to succeed. Of course you can't eat brilliantly all the time but around 80% great with 20% whatever is much healthier balance.

Get hydrated! Your cells shrivel when dehydrated and that makes it much harder to have the clarity and energy you need for your life as they can't function properly.

The key to your success is to work on developing your inner resources such as confidence, strength, self esteem, focus, willpower, determination, calm, clear and proactive mind, plus anything else you have within. Helping them flourish is the most rewarding investment you could ever make.

I am here to help too, having mind coaching to reach your goals cannot be underestimated. Good luck and make this work for you the best way you can. Life's too short to give up when it feels too hard when the reality is that your mind may simply just need a tweak here and there. Contact The Life Doctor for more help.

The Most Important Lesson

Mon, 31 Oct 2011 17:05:00 +0000

Wouldn't it be good when you were at young and in school that after maths and before english there was a class showing you how to handle your emotions especially in those tough times. The teacher would encourage you to recognise your inner strengths and nurture them so they grow a bit more each day as you explore yourself and life.

I wonder if the syllabus would be something like this:

The limbic system exploration of why this emotional and survival centre makes life very hard when it's over active.

The irrational and exhausted mind - how to build your energy and clarity back to full strength.

Why suppressing emotions just makes things worse.

Paradox of control, being more in control by letting go of trying to control.

Embodiment classes to work with and explore the body, mind connection.

Master techniques to accept all emotional states no matter how uncomfortable they may feel.

Promise to be honest - explore through a written essay on what honesty really means.

Why personal bias feels honest but it's not.

Lecture on why criticism is dishonest and shallow and why it is important is being truly honesty to end all criticism.

Criticising others and the defensive mind - how to focus on being truly honest through encouragement and praise.

The Perfectionist - A visit from a former CEO of a blue chip company who is now burnt out and suffering from exhaustion due to constant criticism and being hard on himself to make his career a success. Projector needed to show pictures of his family who he lost due to work life balance and what the health consequences are.

How to work with people who are in defensive mode and help them open up and reverse their behaviour from reactive to proactive.

Ending the cycle of limitations by dealing with unhelpful conditioning from parents, teachers, religion and society.

Empowerment of the mind through suggestion and self hypnosis.

If I had children, I would love them to go to classes like this. I think it's a sign on an out of balanced world that we do not take the time to help our young manage how they feel. We all have been left to work it out for ourselves by bumbling a long and hoping for the best. Life's random as it is and we have no idea what will happen to us a long the way, having the tools and the confidence to be able to manage our emotions with what happens is invaluable. It's crazy we are not equipped with what we need.

It's not anyones fault they are experiencing emotional issues such as anxiety, depression, stress or anger issues and have trouble dealing with them. Society blames people for not being on control and doing stupid things but the part of the mind responsible is designed to be irrational so how can it be their fault? Yet their critic often arises and they put themselves down and this is fed by people who do the same to them too. No wonder people often have such low opinions of themselves with this going on.

Time to end the cycle, whilst there might not be any classes like this at school. There are people who are admitting they need help to manage their emotions and life better. They are coming to seek advice, techniques and empowerment through mind coaching with various therapies. This is not a sign of weakness, this is a sign of strength and if only more people had access or thought about going for help.

It's simply the best investment you will ever make.

Life's too short for a mind held back unhelpful conditioning, it's also too short to settle for a life where you hope your issues will change all by themselves, they won't. Wherever you are in the world seek help. I offer sessions online and in person and I hope through working with me that you realise just how powerful you really are and just what you can do with that power.

The Life Doctor can see you for one to one sessions online or in my office based in Hove in East Sussex. UK.

Picture credit Jscreationzs

Fighting Coffee

Mon, 17 Oct 2011 12:00:00 +0000

The adrenaline surges around your body.

The rational part of your brain starts to be sidelined in order to run on reactive instinct to keep you alive.

Energy is diverted from your brain, immune system, digestive system into your arms and legs, flight or fight?

Your nervous system is being pushed to the limit as your brain reacts to this life threatening danger.

What's the danger here?

Of course there isn't any, but this is the typical reaction to a cup of coffee as caffeine stimulates survival mode in your brain.

Some people think caffeine doesn't cause them any problems, whilst for some that may be true, for others it's either denial or poor judgement as they are likely to be addicted to the stuff. It only takes 7 days of drinking coffee to be addicted and then after that the mind stimulation people think they are experiencing is their fight or flight going into action and also bizarrely their cravings being satisfied. Being told to stop or even thinking about stopping can get the mind making all sorts of excuses so it can continue getting its hit. Caffeine lasts about 6 hours in your system but over time like most stimulants, it's effects get less so the brain gets you to drink more or search for other stimulants to keep you alert. This is a vicious cycle as the stimulants will often lead to do a drop in alertness which leads you to look for more to keep you functioning.

Caffeine causes problems for many of my clients when combined with a sensitive nervous system, it begins with the worrying, frustration, snappiness, negative thoughts, feeling tired and the odd restless nights sleep. It then can end up with insomnia, panic attacks, anxiety, outbursts of anger, heart palpitations, stomach disorders, low physical health, poor decision making, really dark thoughts and feeling exhausted. You will know if this is happening to you and the decision is whether to let this continue or to simply cut down and stop. Life is too short to have your nervous system under such pressure when you need it for normal every day life. As stress is now being labelled the new black death of the modern age, adding caffeine to the mix as well is a sure fire way of making things worse.

A stressed mind changes the way you look at and experience life, as the mind is running on reactive mode then the wise, rational and proactive part of you is sidelined to deal with possible dangers. That is a sh*t way to live life, you can't keep on living with fear motivating your mind as the result often burn out and clients who reach that stage are often in a very bad place which I wouldn't wish for anyone to experience. Dealing with and lowering stress is vital for a healthy mind and body and life's too short for being mentally challenged from too young an age. With stress being linked to mental disorders such as Alzheimer's we have to assess what we can realistically change in our lives to bring down the stress levels. Caffeine is a small change but powerful enough to create lasting results. Another problem with caffeine is that it is prevents your brain chemistry working properly one chemical we need to work in balance is adenosine. Some of it's jobs include helping you sleep, dealing with inflammation and calm down your nervous system. It cannot do this so well when it's being blocked by caffeine. This just makes life that much harder if your body is struggling to function as well as it could.

Whilst researching this article someone told me that the caffeine in tea was different and that it didn't have the same effect as caffeine in coffee. The only difference that I could find was the theory that caffeine may be absorbed more slowly. Is that a good thing? Well drawing out the survival mode response doesn't sound that good to me. I also found some articles which suggested people becoming hooked on being stimulated by coffee are more likely to seek out being stimulated through drugs too.

The other side of the coin is that coffee in moderation can have apparent health benefits which include reduced risk of Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, Diabetes and certain types of cancers so you have to weigh up what's more important for you. These benefits can also be gained through other ways including decaf coffee so I wouldn't use the list as an excuse to continue with caffeine hits especially if you are prone to anxiety, anger, tension etc.

The bottom line is that caffeine is a problem for people who are suffering from various levels of stress, anxiety, restless sleep, anger and any other nervous system related problems. If you suspect this is you then you would certainly benefit from cutting down and maybe stopping. There maybe a withdrawal period which may feel uncomfortable but this passes very quickly and then note down any changes you notice with your current issues. I have seen way too many clients benefit from cutting down and stopping caffeine intake, they are often shocked at how easy it was for them and how good they feel.

The Life Doctor is available for private sessions online or in person at my office in Hove

Picture credit to Paul.

Clients are not Weak

Tue, 11 Oct 2011 19:46:00 +0000

I have to admire anyone who has the guts to come to a total stranger and share their deepest darkest fears in order to get help.

I often sit there in awe of someone who has the strength and willpower to come and share what they want me to help them with. The sad thing is they often feel ashamed or weak because they couldn't do it themselves. In fact some clients mention that their partners and friends look on in disbelief that they need to go and get help as surely can't they just do it themselves? Wouldn't the easy option to just hope the issues go away or sort themselves out?

We all would love to think we can handle what life throws our way but the reality is that there are times when we can't and we need help. Feeling embarrassed is natural as no-one likes to feel a failure and their issues unsolved make them feel bad. Yet what is ignored is that not many people are taught how to handle their emotions from childhood, in fact they are taught the opposite and that's how to suppress them. In childhood when you cried or had a tantrum your parents may likely have tried to reward or punish you to stop expressing yourself.

Only last week I was watching the little boy screaming his head off in the supermarket which was uncomfortable enough but seeing the parent lose control and scream back at how ridiculous he was being made me cringe. It's not the parents fault, their coping mechanisms are probably not working very well and they are likely to be doing what their parents did to them. After all....it did them no harm...didn't it?In the future this little boy is likely to have difficulty expressing his emotions as he is likely to be conditioned like many others to see expressing his anger, tears, frustrations as ridiculous. This has been going on for generations and add to that the people being programmed to think therapy is for weak, hippy, middle aged men and women with nothing better to do and you have people bumbling about hoping their issues will sort themselves out.

There is no shame in getting coaching, therapy or any other type of help to improve your life. Clients often cry at how much of their lives have been wasted by unhelpful programming which prevented them getting help earlier. It is sad and again reminds me that life is too short to not get help for anything you need to change for an easier and happier life.

If you wanted to learn a new skill then wouldn't you look for the resources that would help you get those skills?

Clients are not weak, they often have such strength which will help them make powerful changes easier than they can imagine. Their minds are often cluttered with all sorts of crap which needs shovelling out as it makes them feel weak. Once it begins to clear they can think clearly again and when they do, the world is their oyster and new beginnings await. Though this time they have more resources and can look at their future with more confidence than before and do their best to get where they want to be.

Therapists are trained to help you clear your mind from the past which influences how you experience now and think about your future. A good therapist will teach you to continue that process as life can be quite random and it's good to have support but not to have to rely on who helped you.

Life's too short to wish it would change when you can make take steps right now to make those changes.

Paul Sheppard is The Life Doctor and works online and in Brighton and Hove, East Sussex. Please contact me for more information about private sessions

Picture credit to ambro.

The Realistic Factor

Tue, 27 Sep 2011 11:35:00 +0000

Another year, another X factor season fills our TV screens, with millions of wannabe popstars hoping for a taste of the high life.

Despite the freak show element of the early rounds, we find ourselves drawn into the lives and emotions of the auditionees, following their journeys week by week, to find out who will eventually be crowned the X factor winner.

Let's face it, it's good TV!

Although it is undoubtedly fun to watch, the problem with X factor, and other programmes like it, is that it creates false hope for thousands of people, that don't necessarily have the vocal ability or even the life skills to cope with the rejection that may follow. Many of these people truly believe that they can win the competition and become rich and famous, with very little experience or talent at all.

There are many routes you can follow to establish a career in the music business, but if you do believe that you have a great voice, and choose to go to auditions, it may initially be helpful to get a second opinion, before you spend a fortune on clothes, travel and accommodation.

A professional singing teacher can a) give you an objective opinion and b) help you prepare your audition piece and give you real advice about these auditions.

There are, in fact, many other competitions like Open Mic UK or Live & Unsigned, that can give you a platform to show off your vocal talents, but that have smaller regional auditions and fewer applicants.

Singing lessons can improve your voice; they can also boost your confidence! A good teacher will be a good listener and very able to give you the skills that you need to perform well, as a singer, but these skills will also translate into other areas of your life - "the way you do one thing is the way you do everything".

For more information, or to book a free trial singing lesson please call

Zoe on 07788 585009 or email zoe@singconfidently.co.uk Website

Should I Call?

Tue, 20 Sep 2011 14:23:00 +0000

A friend contacted me with an intriguing question.

Should I call?

The situation was this: They had been on a date with apparently a wonderful guy who seemed to make it really clear that they were interested in my friend and after what was a great night, promised to call to arrange to meet up again.

The problem was that this was a week a go and they had not called since. Of course my friend was naturally running through possible excuses as to why they could not have called and was confused as to why in this day and age that they hadn't managed to. The excuses ranged from losing their phone to being really ill or dead at the most as they wanted to know why they had been avoided all this time. They asked me if they should call and try and arrange something or make an excuse to phone for a chat.

I said not to bother as this guy was simply not that interested, hence not making any effort to get back in touch. If they did eventually call, it will because they are lonely and bored and was going to use them as a time killer or a way to get their rocks off if sex was on the cards. Just move on as it wasn't personal that they rejected you, they obviously have a subconscious or conscious checklist in their heads and you didn't tick all the boxes. It's about them not you so let them go whilst you enjoy meeting other guys who may be very interested in you and will make the effort to get to know you.

My friend knew this to be true and didn't want to face that fact as rejection doesn't feel nice at the best of times but my advice to just move on was just what was needed, life's simply too short to chase people who are not that interested in you.

Picture credit Graur Codrin

Bored of Happiness?

Mon, 19 Sep 2011 12:29:00 +0000

When I ask most clients what they want, they usually reply that they just want to be happy.

Is this enough though?

Happiness flows into our lives at various times due to various experiences which we find ourselves in. If we were happy all the time wouldn't we just be bored of happiness and become apathetic and complacent with it?

Light and shade seems important for us to experience which are the ups and downs to life and when we experience an up we know what it feels like because it feels different from a down time, or other feelings which are on various levels.

We could with intention place ourselves in situations which are more likely to create feelings of happiness, joy, wellbeing and laughter and this tends to work well for a life which feels good to live. We will though be motivated by feelings which feel uncomfortable such as boredom, frustration, fear etc. This helps us begin to explore what we can do next to get that good feeling we crave for, this cycle will pretty much continue for the rest of our lives as one is for sure, no-one can be happy 100% of the time. They would be bored of it very quickly, I know I would.

Why are men so f*cked up?

Wed, 14 Sep 2011 12:43:00 +0000

"Why are men so f*cked up," a friend moaned to me last night as yet another date with a guy had turned sour.

They have a good point as women and men complain to me all the time about their relationships with guys from hell who carry around way to much emotional baggage.

The answer may be simple, women are in general much more likely to visit the doctor or a therapist when something is wrong. Men are taught from childhood to simply "man up", when it comes to their issues so they become masters of suppression and bottling up anything they need to address. This over time can cause anger, stress and depression which again get ignored or makes the guy feel ashamed and weak. There is a stigma that people seeking help are weak and useless when in fact I see it as the opposite.

This is changing though and I see many more guys taking the first steps to getting well needed help. Clients often worry they are coming across as mad, crazy, weak or a lost cause when they start opening up and they don't often acknowledge how brave they are to come to see me. I cannot but help admire anyone who comes to see a total stranger and share their deepest and darkest fears, worries and behaviours so they can be changed.

I think as a society we should be embracing therapy to help enrich our minds and lives instead of just bumbling along hoping for the best.

If we need to learn new skills for example a new career, then we would not hesitate and I see gathering skills to deal with life and the mind just as vital. Empowering yourself is one of the best investments you can make for your future and it's never too late as some of clients in their 70's will testify.

If more people got help for their issues wouldn't the world be a more relaxed and easier place?

I think so.

Paul Sheppard is The Life Doctor and is available for therapy sessions online and in person in Brighton and Hove, UK.

Picture credit to Graur Razvan Ionuf

Chatting to Your Darkside

Fri, 26 Aug 2011 10:33:00 +0000

Let's face it, we all chat to ourselves in various ways with conversations within our heads. These conversations can be just mundane or they can be helpful, motivating, inspiring and energising. For the people coming to see me though they are having conversations within which are very unhelpful, berating, judgemental, teasing, sneering, angry and frustrated.

Have you ever stopped to listen to your inner voice and how it can make you feel?

Some clients are very surprised when they do this and how they can even actually visualise the owner of their voice which is a part of them they usually at war with.

Here are some examples of the angry inner voice:

You are nothing
No-one likes you
You will end up alone and with nothing
You are stupid

The natural reaction is to continue the war and fight the owner until they either disappear or are pulverised into submission somehow. Yet fighting with this part of yourself just continues a war no-one is likely to win, so what can you do differently?

The Yin Yang symbol is a great example of what we could focus on. Yin yang are complementary opposites that interact within a greater whole, as part of a dynamic system. This dynamic system in my view is you and if you try to fight or suppress the dark side in favour of what you view as the light side you are creating an imbalance within that causes imbalance in the way you interact with the world.

What could you do differently?

I say embrace your dark part, explore what they are trying to do for you that has a positive intention. Most clients report that their angry dark part is trying to protect them or get them noticed but it's intention has got distorted. Often the negative behaviour worked in childhood but as an adult the tantrum or destructive behaviour is no longer appropriate but is repeated as they don't know how to do something else.

Therapy is brilliant at helping to negotiate with that dark part and find out what it's intention is and what it could be doing instead. It's not happy and would love to be, which is a great motivator to explore what else it could help you with.

Maybe you could sit and imagine that dark part which causes you problems and maybe you could help calm it down and learn to relax. Therapist Andrew Austin mentioned in one workshop imagining massaging the dark parts shoulders and speaking softly to help that part chill out. This has worked wonders with clients as they calm the parts of themselves which are in pain, angry, frustrated or negative in other ways.

Also pay more attention to that critical voice within and experiment with it:

Can you imagine your inner voice changing?

Could it be quieter?
calmer?
Deeper?
Slower?

What would happen if you rehearsed that negative inner speak in a totally different voice inside your head?

Something different has to happen next and that's worth paying attention to.

Paul Sheppard is The Life Doctor and is available for therapy sessions online or in his office in Brighton and Hove, East Sussex.

Should We Forgive?

Sat, 20 Aug 2011 13:03:00 +0000

Reading another coaches view on forgiveness and why it is necessary, I put forward another perspective to them only to get an over reactive response which shows me that forgiveness is a hot topic and a volatile one at that.

It would be easy to go down the "a better man forgives" route and in the therapy and self help world, forgiving someone is apparently the best way to let go of the past and move on with your future.It sounds like good advice and is even promoted in the spiritual world as the superior way to act when something bad has happened to them. There are all sorts of metaphoric rituals designed to help forgive too which some people really do find useful.

But....

From personal experience I know forgiveness is not always the answer and isn't sometimes the best route to go down either. That decision is up to the individual and most importantly what happened to them too. Letting go of the past has to be taken in context and shouldn't be generalised to suit some sort of idealism which on the surface sounds great but has a dark side too.

The people who promote forgiveness as the only way often try to make the victims feel even more guilty through suggesting they are lacking in humanity through not forgiving.

They also suggest to some people they are not spiritual or wise enough if they don't forgive whoever has done them wrong.

It creates a false self who appears all calm, wise and understanding but in reality they have rage within them which needs to be expressed and leaks out through over reaction.

I found that going through the forgiving route just made some people suppress how they really felt as they wanted to appear to have moved on from what happened and maintain the false image of calm, wise and understanding. This is also an avoidance strategy as the mind finds it hard to cope with what happened and tries to blot it out, this doesn't tend to work for most people either and keeps the past event wriggling around inside them and influencing negatively the way they perceive the future. The cycle of pain then continues as usually with an unconscious negative way of processing the future, bad decisions tend to get made causing more stress.

My strategy for dealing with the past is just with honesty. I know with some situations that forgiveness is not necessary, but insight into why the person hurt me can help me start to move on. Recognising I was a victim and not trying to deny that is important too especially when dealing with childhood pain. Acknowledging what someone did as wrong and how much it hurt and what the consequences are can help us face the truth of the situation and then grieve over what was lost. I have found with clients, doing this creates a great release which is painful at first as rage, guilt, shame and any other emotions are acknowledged with honesty. This creates movement in letting go and moving on authentically without suppression and there are some great techniques to help clients safely express how they really feel.

In a way the person who hurt us however it was done is a victim too and that bigger picture can help us gain insight into why it happened. We still though have to acknowledge honestly the effect it has had on our lives and whether we want to forgive or not. Not forgiving someone doesn't mean not being able to move on. It can simply be an honest response to what some one has done and then be aware that forgiveness is a choice not a necessity. If you force yourself to forgive then you just end up suppressing how you really feel which just creates a false version of you which takes a lot of energy to maintain.

Recently another coach promoted forgiving and understanding the rioters in London. That is all very well to say from their arm chair but the reality is that those affected should not be made to feel guilty for not forgiving these people. I work with clients who have been sexually, mentally or physically abused, they had counselling and have created a false self through forgiving processes which just suppressed their rage at what happened to them. The result was anxiety, insomnia, anger, stress, illness and depression being a few of the symptoms they are suffering from due to locking away the truth of how they really felt.

If deep down you feel you are hiding, suppressing or fighting something within in favour of avoidance or an idealistic philosophy then please see a good therapist who can help support you through dealing with it honestly and with authenticity.

Life is too short not to.

Top Ten Self Worth Destroyers

Tue, 26 Jul 2011 14:03:00 +0000

Top Ten Self Worth Destroyers

Believing you are the negatives from your past
Creating a false negative future about yourself and believing it to be true
Picking and nagging at yourself or others
Being in a negative relationship which enforces the idea that there is something wrong with you
Believing there is something wrong with you
Being rejected by the people you are trying to force into believing your version of reality
Being who others expect you to be and not being who you want to be
Masking the pain of the past with unhealthy habits
Fighting yourself and the people around you
Not getting help

Self worth or self esteem is vital for our wellbeing as it affects how we interact with people, our confidence and how we see and feel about ourselves. Help is available to create change in this area. Contact The Life Doctor - for sessions in Brighton and Hove or online via Skype.

Why Such a Tense Neck?

Thu, 07 Jul 2011 18:48:00 +0000

As an Alexander Technique practitioner in Brighton we are trained to encourage our pupils to free their necks as poor posture can be traced to over tense neck muscles triggered by stress and emotional problems. Also a twisted posture can put a strain on the spine, restricting movements and breathing.

However do we ask enough why they're tense in the first place?

During Alexander lessons I never really understood an expression we use: 'Let your neck be free'. I knew I wasn't actively tensing my neck. Oh yes I'm in no doubt my neck was pulling back when going into sitting and again into standing but I'm not doing that.

Was it a result of something else I was doing? Most people I work with are out of balance with their feet. They are either too forward, too far back, too on the insides etc. Once they get into better balance things let go especially in the legs and hips, and as you are all connected, their necks free up too. If they can stay in balance as they move, the movement will be much freer and open.

However some pupils were still quite tense in the neck and I wondered if they were pulling their whole neck column back in an attempt to stand up straight. They often incorrectly mapped the top of the spine too far back in the neck. Some were also holding onto their tummies, clenching their buttocks and even tucking their tail bones under in the attempt at perfect posture. When they stop doing these things ie: DID NOTHING their necks freed some more.

A few of my pupils work out hard in the gym and I asked myself why they we're so difficult to work on. If they are moving in an imbalanced way, lifting heavy weights is only reinforcing this pull down so I encourage them to reduce the weights and think about how they are using themselves. They need to come to their own conclusion and choose lengthening and widening or squashing and tension.

Is neck tension sometimes a reaction to stress, are they in effect going into the startle reflex pattern slowly? (startle reflex is the reaction in the body, for example when we hear a sudden load bang, everything shortens and comes in ). I saw the correlation between pupils with neck and shoulder pain. They couldn't quieten the mind, so I got them to be aware of the room around them including their peripheral vision which really helped. I encouraged them to choose not to rush around and to understand that perhaps they don't have to do everything. In the words of the American teacher Amira Alvarez: 'It's not a Tiger! I'm just 10 minutes late', or' It's not a Tiger I just have a presentation to give'. This helped enormously. Try putting those words in front of whatever you're doing next time you feel stressed.

A friend with a prolapsed disc told me about a traumatic experience in his childhood. Was his reaction to go into the startle reflex pattern because it actually was as bad as a tiger coming towards him? This may have become habitual and he would move this tense neck and body around year after year.

Our reaction to bereavement, an accident or illness might be another cause or even our response to temperature. It's been difficult to free our necks this winter.

I know myself I don't deal with stress well. This is probably why I was drawn to the Alexander Technique. I remember playing tennis one day and my neck pain started to come back , quite upsetting for an Alexander teacher. I knew I was worrying about something so I decided just to be present in the here and now and be in the game. I checked out my peripheral vision which helped instantly, the pain went and my game improved. Marvellous!

People who know about the Alexander Technique know that our heads should naturally tend to go forward and up like a toddlers but in many cases they don't. We can encourage people to free their necks but it is worth exploring the WHY? Ie: how have they got to this point.

Genetic or structural weakness?
Out of balance?
Reaction to stress?
Unable to quieten mind, always rushing?
Trying to stand or sit up straight? Unreliable body map?
Reinforcing imbalance in the gym etc?
Trauma from childhood or more recent?
Reaction to accident/illness?
Or are they just cold?!!

Alexander Technique teachers can help by:

Getting them into centred support/balance.
Stopping the reaction to stress -Remember it's not a tiger!
Quieten the mind - be visually present, include peripheral vision
Reinforcing that good posture is not about trying to stand up straight. Encouraging the pupil to hold on less by using their minds..
Map where the joints are more accurately, especially the top of the spine and hip joints.
Reduce weights in gym concentrating on use and making sure the neck is free.
Counselling or therapy might be a good addition if tension is due to trauma.
Wear a scarf and wrap up warm when it's cold allowing arms to move freely.

I still encourage a free neck and at least I now have a better understanding of what that means and how tense necks came to be.

Mark Claireaux M.S.T.A.T.

www.alexandertechniquebrighton.com

Insomnia, Distraction and Mind Management

Sun, 19 Jun 2011 14:58:00 +0000

We have never in our history been as distracted as we are now. With lifestyles getting busier and busier and with the distractions we have all around us, there is something being ignored and the consequences for some are beginning to show.

In Brighton and Hove, I work with the issues created by distraction, insomnia is one of them and can make someones life feel exhausting and like hell.

Tim

Tim is a top salesman and he has come to see me due to Insomnia issues. His mind won't switch off at night. Not only does he find it hard to sleep but he also wakes up in the night which is exhausting him completely. His Doctor has prescribed a sedative to help shut his mind down but in reality this is not what he needs right now.

Tim's day starts with getting up and commuting to London, he works on the way up to prepare for the day. He works very hard as success is important to him and then works on train on way home. Goes to gym and then eats, watches television and then bed. This happens for 5 days a week and the weekend is filled with socialising, chores and catching up on favourite shows etc.

Tim's day and week is so full that his mind is constantly distracted, but his mind wants to focus on life, dreams, worries etc but is not given the chance to do so. There is no time to literally think, but the mind is very clever and waits until there is time to think and of course the distractions end at bedtime. Cue the thought processes which have been pushed to one side in favour of other priorities.

Is this insomnia or bad thought management? I got Tim to spend 30 minutes during his commute home to focus on thoughts that wanted to address aspects of his life.

Here is part of my simple therapeutic process which tends to work with insomnia and other anxiety disorders:

I can use NLP, IEMT, EFT, MET and hypnosis to make it really hard to remember insomnia in the past which creates thoughts of fear for future nights sleep.

Help create new positive memories to be referenced which helps future predictions of what a nights sleep would be.

Tim learned to breath correctly to calm down and also be more body aware as he his awareness was too focused within the mind which created an imbalance that needed to be addressed.

I can with some great techniques with the unconscious make sleep a lower priority, as when it's too high and out of context it can cause anxiety as it's too high a priority. Of course this has to be in balance with the individuals life.

I also taught Tim to slow down and switch off his mind and address his caffeine intake which was not helping at all. His sleep increased over the next few weeks his sleep issues became a distant dream, soon to be forgotten. Tim is now more empowered, energised and managing his mind in a more productive and balanced way.

Your mind needs time to think and with distractions at their highest with television, internet, smart phones, gaming, social and work lifestyles it is becoming rare to hear of people spending time dealing with their thoughts. Anxiety can kick in as the mind hates uncertainty and distraction can also be an avoidance strategy to move away from dealing with important issues. This can't last forever and will come and bite you on the bum as the mind is getting stressed and starts becoming overactive and over reactive.

Todays modern society are training themselves to have shorter attention spans, they rarely can watch a movie without checking their smart phones or laptops. They don't read web pages as they skim the information instead. Shorter attention spans create a stressed mind when having to focus on something too long.

Spend some time with your mind, write down and address worries and aspects of your life which need improvement. If you keep avoiding them through distraction then they will chip away your mind until you have to take note and by then it's not a pleasant experience. Put down the phone and focus your attention on what you are writing, reading or watching. train your mind back into clarity, focus and attention.

Life is too short to be overly distracted, have sleep issues which can be addressed and not learn to work and manage your brilliant mind.

If you suffer with insomnia or feels affected by distraction in Brighton and Hove and would like to visit me for a free consultation then please contact me. I can also work via Skype worldwide so please ask me about that too.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Mental Food

Fri, 17 Jun 2011 13:36:00 +0000

Food changes our moods and if you play it right you can use food to improve your mental wellbeing. Life is much harder then the mind is not functioning the way it should.

Here is a list of foods which affect the mind in a positive way.

Turkey and prawns are high in tryptophan which helps produce the feel good endorphin serotonin, look up food high in tryptophan and incorporate into your weekly diet

Brown rice is a source of manganese, selenium and magnesium which help the body absorb tryptophan, quinoa is also high in manganese

When stressed your body loses vitamin C and oranges are one of the highest in vitamin C and are a great replacement for what is lost

Kale is a high in vitamin K which helps with the absorption of calcium, this is a great way of helping prevent unstable moods

Potatoes are high in vitamin B6 which also produce serotonin

The lack of folic acid is shown to be a cause of mood disorders. Asparagus, spinach, grapefruit, whole wheat bread and pasta are high in folic acid

Buckwheat is also high in tryptophan and also helps to keep blood sugar levels stable as when these rise and fall moods are unstable

Broad beans are high in levodopa which is brilliant for helping produce the happy hormone dopamine

I am still amazed at how clients with insomnia and anxiety disorders are still drinking caffeinated drinks despite caffeine stimulating the release of adrenaline which is the last thing they need.

It really is worth assessing what you eat and drink as your physical and mental health depend on it.

Program your Mind for Success

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 14:19:00 +0000

The top mind conditions which affect your life and business which need to be reprogrammed are:

Lack of confidence
Anxiety
Procrastination
Motivation issues
Negative thoughts about the future
Lack of clarity and focus
Stress and pressure
Control issues
Low self esteem / worth
Negative behaviours
Energy exhaustion

These conditions are not your fault as they can be created in many ways especially during childhood and our teenage years. These can really hold back your success in life as you spend a lot of time trying to avoid what you fear in an illusionary future. Building up your self worth and confidence are vital for life and business success, life is really to short not to.

Procrastination, lack of clarity, motivation and energy an be symptoms of something else going on and getting you energised and back on track, moving in the right direction.

The mind is an amazing machine but it is open to abuse and this can result in an over reactive mind which makes your life much harder. You can learn to work with your mind in balance and to program your own mind for life and business success which is ecological with your authentic values.

The therapies and techniques I use have helped hundreds of people like you and if you would like to find out more then please contact me, life really is too short not to.