Rejection is Brilliant
The Brilliance of Rejection!
A man with a machete looking angrily at you is dangerous
A crocodile eyeing you up for lunch is dangerous
A car out of control coming towards you is dangerous
Your brain will kick in the adrenaline fuelled process fight or flight if any of these happen and you power diverted from your brain, digestive system, immune system and other important functions sent to your arms and legs to tackle the danger or run as fast as possible.
This system has kept our species multiplying and thriving as we evolve.
The thing is now what we are becoming more socially complex we are have developed deep fears not only from real danger but also from experiences which will risk how we feel.
The fear of rejection holds people back in countless ways. Dreams remain unfulfilled, people stay poor in so many areas of their lives, possibilities and potential are wasted and the list goes on.
I even hear people make excuses to why they are running away from an experience with stories of "not the right time" "destiny must be calling me elsewhere" "How do you know I'm not supposed to hold myself back as a soul purpose?" The best excuses are the ones where people make up all sorts of fantasies about the future where they claim these stories will come true and have to be avoided at all cost.
A load of old balls really as these are just lies to avoid experiencing emotions which feel uncomfortable.
So let's grow up and work on the self realisation that rejection whilst it might feel uncomfortable doesn't actually kill or maim you in any way. Yes it doesn't feel pleasant at first but that soon goes away. Maybe you can assist the feelings that come with rejection by realising that the brilliant things we all love so much in life were all created through rejection and they continue to evolve through people thinking that they could be better and therefore rejecting their current form.
Rejection can lead us to become more resourceful, stronger, wiser, to think outside the box, create more opportunities and create a life which we would never have dreamed of. I look back at all the rejections that have happened and I am thankful for experiencing them as it made me look at other ways to live and that has led to the amazing life I have now. I no longer fear rejection, as soon as it happens my mind is now thinking "what will I get from this and where will it lead?"
As one client mentioned to me "I wouldn't have my husband and the happiness that came with that if I hadn't been rejected by my ex husband."
Think back on rejections you had in the past. Where has it led you? What do you have now in your life through rejection? Did you take advantage of the rejection so it was not wasted?
Instead of fearing rejection, welcome it as a resourceful experience which you will gain a lot from. The opportunities become endless and this is what lucky, charmed, happy and successful people do naturally.
You can learn to do it naturally too through instantly reminding yourself when at risk from rejection that you will benefit hugely and just go ahead with it whatever you are doing.
If the mind tries the old future fantasy routine, then remind yourself that you are making it up and no matter how it feels, it is a lie as it has not happened yet.
If you need extra help with this then contact me for a session on how to embrace rejection!!
Emotional Resistance is Futile.....
As the Borg like to remind the planets or ships they invade in the Star Trek series "Resistance is futile" what us humans resist within our lives tends to persist. Working with clients all these years has shown me how brilliant it would be if we were shown how to handle emotions. It seems that from a young age we are greatly confused by parents, teachers or other adult influences not to cry, feel anger or anything else when feeling upset, later we are told not to bottle it up and to let it all out. No wonder then that clients come to me with programmed responses which are not helpful when handling how they feel. How often have you felt an emotion arising within you and you have started to resist experiencing it only for it to get worse and drag on for hours, days and even in some cases weeks, months and years?
What happens for so many people is that they begin to fear experiencing an emotion so much that their life becomes ruled by trying to avoid feeling an emotion which their minds are now perceiving as so dangerous that the flight or fight response begins to kick in often creating panic attacks, anxiety and depression if left unchecked.
Common emotions / feelings people try to resist and avoid are:
Rejection
Loneliness
Boredom
Frustration
Fear
Guilt
Anger
Resisting emotions creates a battle within and this inner conflict creates a whole range of toxic chemicals which your mind and body create to deal with this situation and over time can to lead to feeling exhausted, dissociated with life, feeling over emotional, sensitive and feeling on the edge. If you find yourself saying "I should'nt be feeling this," then you are not accepting what is happening right now.
What you can do if this applies to you is to learn to not fear experiencing emotions, as they are just that...an emotion. The Borg feared emotions and also saw them as weak but then again they would not get to experience the wonders of passion, joy, excitement and love. Emotions and feelings come and if left to complete their cycle will pass. Just imagine not fearing rejection! You can also learn to experience the world in a way which reduces unhelpful emotions rising as your new perspectives create a helpful response instead. Life feels much easier when not burdened with an over sensitive and emotional states of mind.
Some tips to think about when it comes to experiencing emotions:
When you feel an uncomfortable emotion arising, allow yourself to experience it by simply exploring how it feels. Where do you feel that emotion? How strong is it? What happens when you explore it with each out breath?
Is the emotion based on a future prediction? Are you fortune telling? Is it 100% true that it will happen? What other possibilties could happen which you would prefer? What can you do right now to help this? If nothing then what could you focus your attention on instead?
What is the bigger picture about this emotion? Explore all possibilities linked to it by creating a map with the emotion in the centre and link each possibility to it. For example. Feeling rejected as you might not have heard back from someone. Are they busy? Did they get your message? Are they waiting until an appropriate time to talk to you?
Are you making the situation about you when it is actually someone elses problem?
Breath into the emotion and allow it to transform through it's natural cycle.
Most importantly if you find the emotions too painful or hard to deal with then go see someone who can help. I see therapy as a sort of coaching on the stuff we should have been taught but instead have been left to our own devizes on.
Trying to hold onto emotions is also creating resistance. Many people try to recreat happiness over and over and that certainly becomes futile as that is exhausting going from one fix to the next.
Life is too short to keep battling how you feel within and there is no winner in that war.
